Daily Dingleberry 01-17-12

So, last night the boards lit up like a krismus tree bc some blasted farinah wrote something about Belize and well, as usual, everybody get vex. BUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It was hysterical y’all! Check it out for yourself: http://p.washingtontimes.com/news/2012/jan/16/tale-of-two-small-countries/#.TxTJaoyvbYY.facebook (You might have to right click and open it up in another page bc I noticed that this wordpress place doesn’t let the link automatically load)  I wanted to get involved in the debates and tell people to calm down but people were so busy being defensive, I decided to wait until the fracas dies down a little. I can’t believe that we got mad at this guy. He only said what we already bloody know! But I suspect the reaction came from a place of shame and denial. It’s fine to live like this if nobody else knows our secret, then we could pretend that everything ok. Typical OSTRICH going on there. I say, if it bothers you so much to see your name in black being painted red, do something about it. I’m glad the secret is out. You can’t do nothing about something you don’t admit. It’s like the 12 Step Program y’all. The first step is admitting you have a problem 🙂

Birds on da Wire by Fayemarie Anderson Carter

Bernice “Bernie” Toucan sees her friend Doo Doo “Dodes” Chickadee sitting on the wires at the junction of Fortification and Judgement Streets. Dodes looks worried. Bernie decides to go see what’s bothering her friend. Dodes worries about a lot of things. She is easily frightened by everyday happenings but lately, it seems to have gotten worse. Bernie reflects that Dodes doesn’t even seem to smile lately.

“Hey, Dodes. You seem so pensive today. What’s up?” asked Bernie.

Dodes doesn’t look at Bernie but starts talking. “You see Johnny John Crow over there? That’s nevah good. He only come rung when someting bad about fi happun.”

Bernie sighs. “Dodes, you can’t let him bother you. It’s just his nature. He ciant help it.”

At this, Dodes looks at Bernie. “I’m scared Bernie. Things just seem to be getting worse and worse. My daughter’s friend Aaron Pope was killed the other day. Innocent little boy, sleepin in his bed, fuh no reason.” Dodes voice cracks with emotion. “Who is it gonna be next? What has to happen so all these young people realize that all this shooting and killing don’t do nuttin but destroy what little good we have left? Ah feel like nobadi give a shit nuhmo.”

“Dodes. You have to remember that not everybody is like that. There are people trying, trying real hard to get people to start thinking and maybe start doing something to help this situation. Like da gial, Aria. I have been reading her blog and she seems to be really fair about everything…none a dis party politics rass. Shi nu fraid fi nobadi, it seems. People like her, is exactly what we need.”

At this, Dodes gives a little smile, then a tiny chuckle. “Shi de awn nuh tru? Shi even use di “f” word!” exclaimed Dodes. Dodes threw her head back and start laughing real hard now. Her voice going up an octave, “Shi seh, shi seh to PUP ‘Grow the fuck up already'” At this Dodes is bawking from her belly, her whole body shaking, tears streaming down her face. “Bernie, gial. Ah jus cud imagine po George Price di roll inah ih grave! Buwhahahahahahaha! Aye! Aye! Mi belly di hurt!”

Bernie smiles at her friend. She knows that the laughter hides Dodes’ fears but it’s still nice to see her laugh a good belly laugh. It’s been too long.

“Hmmmmmm, Bernie gial. Whe u tink people like shi cud really do, huh?’ Bernie frowns as Dodes is serious again. “Ah mean, she is saying tings I wuda wa seh miself and ah know dat lotta pipple wudnt dare. You know, dey fraid fi lose dey job and soh. But, innah di end, whe shi cud really do, huh?”

Bernie looked at her friend. She was right. Nobody survived in Belize unscathed and could be downright destroyed when they said what this girl, Aria is.

“Well, Dodes. Wi cud hope dat di pen is mightier dan di sword. Ah mean, wi ciant do nuttin bout nuttin if wi nuh talk bout it fus. Look. nuttin get done in a hurry. Tings tek time. Tudeh she? Tomorrow? 20 mo like she. Instead ah jus siddung ya and worry, why wi nuh join dis gial, huh? Show her our support. After all shi di do dis fi wi right? Wi haftu believe dat good and sound judgement will prevail. Just look at history, Dodes. Ah bet during di Holocaust pipple felt like it would nevah end and den one day it did. Nuttin bad last forevah but wi ciant siddung rung and wait fuh mek ih done? Who di hell wa do it? WE, Dodes WE!”

“But Bernie. U noh andastand. What can I do? Ah nuh educated like you. Ah beahli di hold onto mi job da di facktry. Dey nuh wa give wi wa raise. Deh nuh wa wi unionize. Ah mean. Wot wa happen to me and my pickney if dey fiah mi? U know dey pipple who I work fah big innah politics.” Dodes pushed out her beak and shook her head. “Ah nuh know Berns. Ah fraid.”

“Ok Dodes. U have a valid point. But if we don’t help ourselves, who will? U noh tink my ma and your ma had dis very canvasation befo we had independence? People had to get together and fight! U wa end up like Jamaica? Caz ih look like dat fi real. Most ah fi dey people po no rass and deh gat parts a city yu bettah no dare go to. Some a di village dem nuh gat electricity at all! Still? innah dis day and age? Ah nuh want Belize tun like dat mein. U feel mi?”

Dodes looks at her smart, pretty friend and nods. “Alright Bernie. I will try. I will follow dis gial Aria and show her my support. I wa tell all mi other frens fi pay attention tu. Hey, Bernie. Who wudda tink that lee ole me wudda di du dis? All I duz k bout da bash pan Satuhdeh.”  Bawk, bawk,bawk “Aye dems were di gud ole days, huh, Bernie? Memba whe wi duz steps? Wi mi tink wi soh hot!”

“Talk fi yourself Dodes! Ah still got it girl!” Bernie thrust her chest out and swung her hips side to side.

The two friends laugh as they remember their blissfully, uncomplicated days as young girls, when nobody was shot and they could walk around at night without fear.  Days when all that mattered was a note from a boyfriend and holding hands excitedly with him as you walk by Baron Bliss grave…well more than walk, a stolen kiss or two. Those days seem so remote now; but, a tiny hope has sprung in their hearts, as they silently pledge their loyalty and lives to fight to take back their country from the clutches of corruption and greed. 

Da whe da gial Aria seh? by Fayemarie Anderson Carter

Bernie Toucan is sitting on her perch high in the tree when Doo Doo Chickadee calls to her from her perch on the electricity wires crisscrossing the road.

“Hey Bernie…yu heah bout di new blog whe suh gial name Aria something write bout dem politicians?”

“Yeah gial…what bout it?” answered Bernie Toucan.

“Well, shi talk bout all a deh…suh ah nuh really andastand whe shi di try do. Ah midi hope u coulda explain it bettah to mi?” asked Doo Doo Chickadee.

Just then, Buster and Paulie Piam Piam, the twins, landed next to Doo Doo.

”Happy New Year’s Bernie and Dodes. Whe di go awn?”

Doo Doo looked at Buster and said, “Well, ah midi ask Bernie if she know whe dis gial Aria di talk bout pan dis new blog bout di politicians dem. She talk bout all a dem so ah nuh know whe shi di try seh.” Doo Doo Chickadee shook her head with a look of true consternation.

Buster put his arms akimbo and looked up and down at Doo Doo, “Whe deh fi know Doo Doo?” and then in a sing song voice he bellowed, “Times haaad fi true!”

“Don’t give a damn; don’t give a damn, “ chorused  Paulie Piam Piam. The twins busted into a fit of giggles and nearly fell off the wire laughing at their own joke.

“Aye uno two,” said Bernie Toucan. “Well, mek a si di blog Dodes. Ah could go through it wid u and si if we come up wid something.”

Bernie reads quietly for a bit and then says as she continues to read, Well di  fus paat look like shi just di seh  dat neither one a di paaty dem do whe dey promise fi do. Hmmm, shi seh dat dem liad and tief and dat wi all tyad ah the same shit, different liar approach.”

At this the twins start to giggle again.

“Shi tell di PUP basically dat dey di fight like sum two year olds and dat deh nuh have no leadership, no direction…den shi tell di UDP dat dey no do when dey seh dey miya do but dey still di blame PUP fuh eviting and how dey da big cover artists and dey need fi fix dis shit and be mo responsible”

“Ooooooooooooh,” sing songed the twins.

“Hmmm, Bernie gial. Da who dis Aria person? Dey wa fire fi shi rass quick ting fi di seh alla dat stuff inuh?” said Paulie Piam Piam.

“Well u know dat da tru if shi mi live ya but shi deh da faren soh ah tink shi wa be ok. Shi family? Ah nuh know bout deh!” said  Buster Piam Piam.

“Si dis da di  rass ret deh!” exclaimed Bernie. “Evibady tu gaddamn fraid fi seh what needs to be said rung dese parts.” She shakes her head with indignation. “Da why uno so damn coward fa? If evibady tell dey rass off like dis, maybe dey wouldn’t do stupidness!”

Silence settles for a second or two as the birds shake their heads in agreement.

“Shi seh anyting bout VIP, Bernie?” asked Buster quietly.

“Well…no much inuh. Shi just seh dat dey got a good grip a di situation wid di corruption and ting but shi ask if dey religious. Ah wanda why shi seh dat?”

Just then Charles “Charlie” Crow sat next to Bernie and injected his usually highly respected opinion.

Well I think that that is a very valid question. We have to be very careful how we allow religious agendas to infiltrate our politics and consequently our laws.”

“But den Mr. Charles, we da wa Christian nation. How we nuh wa bring God into di convasation?” asked Dodes. “Look pan di United States. Dey gat gay people inna di army and now dey cud get married! Dat ciant be right? Ah mean, I nuh gat nuttin genst gay people…do whe uno want inna di privacy ah yu own bed but ah nuh wa my pickney di si dat. Wat if my pickney decide he gay tu?”

Paulie Piam Piam snickered and looked at Dodes like he could kick her off the wire. “Now dat just stupid Dodes. And ah surprised at u. U, whe goh da church evi Sunday and talk bout acceptance for all. “

“Nuh get mi wrong Paul. I nuh want dey get hurt or nutting but really…ih jus gross mi out mein” Doo Doo made a shivering noise and ruffeled her feathers.

“Well but si. Da pipple like u allow dey cracked ones fi do whe dey do! Cas u turn wa blind eye and pretend dat dey one whe seh dey religious jus really di spread hate and fear. Come on Dodes. You bettah dan dat!” Paulie hawked and spat as if to emphasize his point. “Anyway Bernie, what else shi seh?”

“You really wa continue? Dis bloody depressin inuh,” asked Bernie.

The friends look down but they all shake their heads yes.

“Well, shi jus seh dat di media nuh di help cas dey belong to di diffrant paaties dem so how wi fi know what da what?”

“Tru ting mein. Ah hafi turn it off sumtimes. And wuss di newspapahs dem. Ah tink ah rather read ‘The Enquirer’!” chuckled Buster Piam Piam.

“It looks pretty dire,” said Charles. “I’m not sure what to say or think about our future as a nation.”

The friends looked out towards the setting sun as they each pondered Charlie’s heavy words.

Jingle Bells

by Fayemarie Anderson Carter


Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, all the way to hell
All dem palitician do da greedy up deyself.
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, all the way to hell
All dem palitican business unda di jail cell.

An election or two ago, dem promise wi a change,
But all we get instead is even more a di same
Red nar blue no mattah
Dey shoulda all just scattah
Cause inna di end, di money dem spend, da nuh pan me nor you NO!

Time and time again, when election de rung di bend
Dem cum and tawk to you and seh how “we da fren”
But either way you vote, no wa rock di boat
Cas all a dey deh inna bed “tugethah forever”, dem said.


I’ll Be Broke For Krismuss (tune of I’ll be Home for Christmas)

by Fayemarie Anderson Carter

I’ll be Broke for Christmas
Can’t afford a tree,
We’ll eat crow and my big toe,
‘Cause we depend on Dean.

Krismuss Eve will find me,
In a great quandary,
Pay the rent, it’s all been spent,
On doctor bills and school fees.

I’ll be Broke for Krismuss,
Can only afford some beans,
I’ll be broke for Krismuss,
It’s not the one I dreamed

Merry Christmas Baby

by Fayemarie Anderson Carter

Merry Christmas Baby,
You sure don’t treat me right.
Merry Christmas Baby,
You must not be too bright.
You turned down US AID,
You will ruin our paradise.

I feel like cryin’ y’all,
Listenin’ to the news on my radio,
I am now cryin’ y’all,
Listenin’ to the news on my radio, oh, oh, oh, oh
Feel like I’m gonna pass out,
What the hell is this all about?

Who wa feed mi pickney, baby?
Only me, y’all.
Nobody gat no money, baby
All I can do is bawwwwl.

Merry Christmas, Baby,
You sure don’t treat me right.
You act like you have our best interest,
But all you is fiiiiiight.